The Answer to Saskatchewan Driving

Saskatchewan Driving
Is bad

In fact Saskatchewan driving is so bad that it is common knowledge that when you see that god forsaken license plate “the land of the living skies” you steer far clear of that son of bitch behind the wheel, take the scenic route if you must, but god help you avoid that green and white license plate at all costs.

This is Saskatchewan driving, it’s fucking unbelievably bad

Three days ago I was driving to the school for my boxing/fighting thing, and I’m coming from circle drive and merging into Preston from the Attridge overpass.

And as a reminder to those that forget Preston has it’s own lane for people merging onto it coming from circle drive, so there is no need to yield. However as I’m coming around the corner accelerating to 60 this fucker is stopped at the very beginning of the whole lane on Preston. So I have to go “whoah shit” and lock up my brakes and come within a few feet of slamming into the back of his shit car.

So okay now I’m thinking what the fuck is this guy doing? And he’s waiting and he’s waiting and he’s waiting finally there is a break in the 2 nearest lanes of traffic. (there are 4 and he’s sitting in one of them) it’s a fucking huge break in the traffic and he’s doesn’t go, so I slam on my manly American style horn, and hits his sissy topaz horn repeatedly and shakes his fist at me as if I’m in the wrong… what the fuck?

Here I am waiting for this 35+ asshole who doesn’t understand the laws of traffic and is honking his topaz horn at me repeatedly while he sits there with 2 lanes of traffic COMPLETELY OPEN. So then finally all 3 lanes open for him so that he can drive perpendicular to the traffic and make a right hand turn. Then I merged like I was planning on it and was able to get across all 3 lanes of traffic without a problem or having to wait until every single lane of traffic was open.



That was fucking ridiculous

He should turn in his license and his car and his fucking testicles while he’s at it because that was the worst driving I have witnessed…since the last time I got in my car and went anywhere in Saskatoon…. See the problem?

When I finally made it to the school for boxing/navy seal training I told Jarren this and told him how I thought about getting my tire iron out and going to work on the fucking topaz. Maybe beat some sense into him.

And jarren said

“Yeah in Edmonton it’s pretty common for road rage and tire irons through windows and people getting torn out of their car for fucking up on the road... but it never happens here, which is why I love saskatoon”

and then it hit me

I realized the answer to all of Saskatchewan’s driving problems

We don’t beat the fuck out of shitty drivers nearly enough.

When I was a kid when I fucked up I didn’t know I really fucked up until I got the wooden spoon or something, then and only then I knew that I fucked up.

When a country fucks up the answer is blowing the fuck out of the country that fucked up, that’s the only way for those political leaders to learn. Some of you may say war doesn’t solve anything, but answer me this:

If it weren’t true why do people still go to war? And why is it that wars end? Obviously war works, the same way beating people into submission works.

So there you go, if you want people to learn you have to beat it into them, this is what Saskatoon lacks. It lacks guys beating the fuck out of people who stop at a green lights, who have to come to a complete stop to merge onto circle drive, who turn into oncoming traffic. We need people like YOU (my readers) to bust out their tire irons and help Saskatchewan’s driving reputation.

Edmonton has a wonderful driving reputation. why? because people get the shit kicked out of them when they fuck up. we need that.

SASKATOON NEEDS YOU & YOUR TIRE IRON!



So ladies and gentlemen I’ve created a recruitment process if you have a tire iron and will swear to my code of conduct you may join me in my quest for tire iron good ness.

To join us you must

1. Own a Tire Iron, and possess the know how on how to effectively bash a window in. (Evan you can’t come I’ve seen you with a baseball bat)
2. Must swear to uphold the laws of traffic and know how to evaluate when a tire iron bashing is appropriate
3. Must always resort to the tire iron, merely flipping off and horn honking will never suffice for a good tire iron to the face.
4. Must Swear never to stop on the merge onto circle drive, and NEVER EVER go less than the speed limit in the left lane, especially on the highway.

If you swear by these 4 simple rules I will welcome you into

TBA

Tire Bashing Anonymous

Save Saskatchewan people, and only you can do it!