University is Not Club Med

Somewhere someplace some person started spreading the rumour that university is the equivalent of club med, I don’t know who or where this rumour surfaced from, but it seems to be a very prominent mode of thought at the U of S.

I went to see a play about a week ago, and there was this broadway junkie talking to some person he had just been introduced to from another friend, and he of course was a university student in some random major… If that. Anyway as he was blabbing inn the seat behind me he was talking about how he loves university, he only goes to half his classes most of the time and he said and I quote:

Broadway junkie: “Yeah I could be getting 70’s or 80’s rather than 50’s and 60’s but I mean I’m enjoying school you know? It’s just a good time even if I do fail a few classes here and there.”

Okay wait up a minute cause my brain can’t process this. You’re telling me that you’re okay with failing out of your classes and going to half of them because you’re having a good time? That’s your exact reason as a 3rd year student? And this is okay? You’re okay with paying 5700 a year to repeat this over and over again?

What the fuck are you thinking broadway junkie?

And It’s one thing for some rich spoiled brat being spoonfed and sent to university paid for them to fail out, but I can’t imagine that this guy’s parents were paying for him cause he looked like he was 25 minimum, and a greasy asshole to boot. I’m seteotypign I know but honestly, why are you there? Whjy are you wasting money?

You know you could just show up to university classes that you wanted to as often as you wanted to and not pay and I doubt anyone would notice. You wouldn’t have to fail midterms or anything you could just be there to find people to shoot up with or whatever it is that you actually DO at university.

Like honestly take that 5700 and go to club med, rather than spend 8 months sitting in a desk knowing that you will have to sit in that same desk in the same class next year cause you bombed the class.

And I find this ironic, when I was in high school I would talk to people who would tell me university is a waste of money because their _____ friend got his degree in ______ and now can’t get a job. Well two things I’ve come to understand:

1. not all of the dumbasses from high school are working at some shitty job going to the pat ever weekend, some actually for whatever reason decided to go to university and barely pass through all of their classes.

2. if you’re a moron it doesn’t matter if you have a ph.d no one will hire you.

So shut the fuck up and serve my kids freedom fries with your bachelors of fine arts degree asshole.

… not that there is anything wrong with fine arts.

See, the funny thing is I always laugh when someone I never expected to go to university in the first place drops out, I don’t know why. University as time consuming as it can be really isn’t that difficult. Except when you realize you haven’t done any work for the last two months and it piles up on you in at the very end of the year.

Everyone I talk to at this time of the year complains about how they are getting bent over a desk like a 50 cent prostitute. And I agree I am one of those people, the only difference is the prostitute gets paid while we pay to get bent.

the word on the street

alright here's the word up on the street

i got a job in kanakis golf house/resort for the summer which means i will be in the mountains all summer. which is sweet. very sweet. question is: what is davin goign to do without me all summer? befreind some other fool with apool probably. heh

anyway

the 24th for those of you that i think are assholes i'm going to the radison hotel's restraunt on the at 7:00 if you're interested feel free to come, after that we're watching the movie that i worked on two summer's ago at my house... it will be terrible. and it will be hilarious.

oh and also i'm having a hell of a time convincing people to canvas for the cancer society, as i got suckered into having to find 9 people who are willing to have doors slammed in their faces for 3 hours. sounds awesome? you bet!

until that time, i've got an essay to write.

E=MC2, Conspiracy Theory and More!

E=MC2, Conspiracy Theory and More!

I know i've spoken of bars a lot on this site, but i can't help it.

i hate clubs like the pat and the scuz and especially the longbranch. hate them

i asked my friend nathan what is his usually strategy when he gets suckered into going to a club like the pat or something?

and he said:

Nathan: "well usually i aim to get ridiculously wasted"

Me:"yeah so do i, i cannot go to a bar sober... ever. by the end of the night i jsut want to shoot someone in the face or atleast bust someone's lip.. the biggest problem with that approach to bars though is it turns into a pretty expensive night so that you can barely tolerate the bar"


and then i realized something

it all came together in that exact instant

over a year of me trying to deduce why i hate the bar so much, and like einstein figured out e=mc2 i discovered the behind the scenes logic of the bar.


and here it is...

the bars do it on purpose:

they purposely play shitty music, attract ugly sluts, and chachy douchebag guys, and etc... so that when relatively normal guys like myself or anyone else go to these clubs they have to spend a ridiculous amount of cash so that we are able to just barely tolerate a night there.

and it makes perfect sense

it's the perfect economic strategy

because see the "regulars" that go to clubs don't need to lay down a whack of cash to enjoy themselves, because they love it there! they spend maybe 30 bucks occasionally maybe more depending on how many drinks they buy for random women they will never talk to.

and then there's me



and this is what the bars plan on. and while nathan disagrees as he thinks the bars don't even notice that we are a major source of their income... which is ridiculous.. they know, they know.. they plan on it.

and this theory explains why there are so many fights at the bar, all the guys that fight are just normal guys who couldn't get enough to drink.. they got tired of being bumped into all night, tired of fucking black eyed peas and 50 cent, tired of ugly sluts asking them to dance and they snapped. i frankly don't blame em, i've come close on many occasions myself. if i weighed more and had a thicker neck i'd be in with them on that course of action.

see and people alcohol doesn't solve problems... well it doesn't, but it makes your problems much mmore tolerable.

...usually

for example when i was at a certain someone’s birthday and i knew there were going to people i hated i automatically tore jay's whisky bottle of out of his hands and took a good chunk out of that sucker so that i could survive the night. and I did. i listened to a guy that told me how he could kill a man with his bare hands in one move and then that if anyone who messed with him that person would be guaranteed dead.. actually dead not just a metaphorically.

see i saved my life with alcohol, because when sober i may have been tempted to laugh. and could possibly be in a garbage disposal bin right now...

saves lives.. sometimes...

(the picture is a tribute to one of the best video games ever created, but none of you will know it so i'll just say it: full throttle. best game ever!)

Relgion

Religion is a funny thing

i'ma crazy christian zealot.

and i'll have my G man smite you motherfuckers if you step too close on ma toes foo!

you betta back yo shit up foo if you sayin that ma g man doesn't exist

see i've been studying in the library at stm for the last week, and i love it there it's quite classy looking i love it; i feel like i'm harvard when i'm in stm: the leather furniture, the burgandy and oak color scheme i just feel like is hould be smoking a pipe and reading with a monocle and a glass of cognac in my hand. however with that said there are two pitfalls to studying in stm, the crazy zealot christians, and the the political studies majors are always there. sometimes it's okay other days it's not so okay.

when i watch bush i always laugh. he is sooo christian, the way in which he speaks of this evil that is haunting every american. this evil's anme is is terror of course, but thats about as specific as he gets really; mainly because the terror changes names to iraq to osma to iran or whatever the special of that month is... so many things are supposedly evil...
but define evil.

see evil is a subjective thing, ones man's evil is another man's justice. that's funny.

why is it funny? because there are these americans that are fighting wrong doers who have bombed and killed american citizens, and then there are these terrorists who are fighting the wrong doers who bomb their cities and kill their people. hmmm who is in the right here?

good question but as far as christian crusader george w is concerned it's evil. now i'm not pro or against bush, because frankly i could care less, but i do find it interesting in his use of evil. good vs. bad, is a very catholic ideal.

anyway i was listening to a conversation between a crazy zealot christian that wouldn't hesitate to spear my face on a pole and post it at the front of the doors of stm all in the name of justice.

see she beleives that islamic people are evil, and that if they would embrace "our" loving god the world would be a much safer palce. she expalins ehrself as stating that her growing up as christian she knows what real values and ideals are, and thus so knows what is right and wrong. she has a strong basis in a peace loving relgion... of course she didn't refer to it as a relgion, because she referred to it as the only way of life or "the belief" hah!

dumb bitch.

she continued to explain that these people responsible for the worlds problems will be found and executed for their wrong doings, because god will lead crusaders like george bush to them... and i kid you not she actaully said "executed for their wrong doings".

what? are you kidding? you were jsutt laking baout how peaceful your relgion is! my brain is melting! melting!

another time in my life i was engaged in a conversation with a girl and another guy, it was regarding the peterson murder and trial.

and she explained to me that i'm a blasphemor who will possibly burn in hell because i defended scott peterson, all i said is i didn't think he did it. so as a result i will possibly burn in hell because scott is an evil man who had broken two commandments and thus should be put to death. because that is how god sees fit.

riiiiight

see here's the thing, i think people who beleive that there is one single relgion and that is all are idiots. and what i mean by that is you can atleast have the decency that if someone else doesn't beleive in YOUR god respect that person's belief, and don't tell him or her he or she is going to hell because they are not with you...

i think people that believe that there is only one answer to anything besides algebra and physics are beyond ridiculous. i think people who defend themselves using relgion as their backing for putting someone to death because they broke a commandment (thou shall nto kill) is ironic and idiotic.

...see these people don't understand their own relgion that they cling to, and yet they use this for their every defence.

see one of the number one things the christian relgion promotes is forgiveness, jesus forgave his executioners, he forgave the people that condemned him, he accepted the man dying on the cross into his "kingdom" even though he was amurderer/thief/ ic an't remember what. jesus didn't judge people, but why is it so common for practcing chrstians to judge other people?

see a truly christian action would be to forgive scott peterson, and i don't mean let him go, but common here, the christian relgion is about forgiveness, you can't use an eye for an eye mentality and baby jesus together in your reasoning.

the two just don't go together foo.

Briana has many christian friends, and these kids think that they know something that rest of the population that isn't christian is missing. WRONG ASSHOLE

this one guy Briana told me about conciously looks at someone, and just by looking at that person can tell if that person is going to hell or not. he says he's pretty good at doing things liek that.

really?

is that so? how do you know? did god come to you in the night and say

GOd: "you know that creepy guy on the street you saw a month ago? well you're right he did go to hell he's with lucifer burning for eternity, now hold one while i go down on your bitch ass"

Christian Asshole: "but isn't homosexuality a sin?"

GOd: "shut up and blow me asshole"


now see,
all my life i have been forced into going to church, and 90% of the time i manage to zone out most of it, but i hear it nonetheless. the damage is done.

many times i sit there and listen to the preacher telling us that we are bad epople if you don't come to church every sunday, and then the enxt sunday he tells us that we are bad people if you don't come to church next sundaya nd etc... so as a result there are all these people who attend church regularly thinking they are elite, that they are somehow better than the "rest".

there's this one group at the church i just hate them. they are really involved with the church the son looks exactly liek the father both are fat and have a pug nose and round flush cheecks, and they always sttand there with a half smirk... and then they have their heads high up in the air nodding at everything the priest has to say.... i just want to jump kick them in the head...

the daughter looks liek the mother and the mother is round, and always wears a dress and heels to church and this rank perfume that lingers everywhere. i see these people sometimes at the video store on a saturday night alll together going to pick a pg movie out to watch as a family... i haate those people, they make me sick they are so cliche... anyway

church is all about one collective ideal, it is like george orwell's 1984 (probably my favorite book of all time) and everywhere you look people are judging you, judging whether or not you help with the community, come to church every sunday, teach your kids good christian morals, or are you going to hell, and etc...

i hate it


Religion is about assholism and eliteist thought.

now i don't condemn relgion by any means, i think it helps alot of people carry on their miserable lives with dignity and hope that there will be something better. and when i say that i just sneeringly mean that it helps people in tough times, and that it can change people for the better.

better is also a subjective word also, but we'll fly with that one.

now i know this isn't funny because frankly school has zapped the funny out of me lately, id on't even talk to people now or barely laugh i just hide int he library and attempt not to flunk out of every one of my classes.

oh and that guy who is tryign to advertise his website is douche who offers nothing except retarded ramblings of himself and i hope he rots in hell...

follow up

first of all i think you guys are under the impression that i am somehow passionate about the things i write on this website, unless it's about people who's names start with r and end in i could care less. i found it interesting that gates has been knighted, and a common theme in pop culture is potrarying gates as a money hungry nerd on a power trip.... who cuts his own hair. but you people as always missed the point that i didn't actually mean any of it. IT was A JOKE. if i actually cared about the subject i may have researched it, and tried to be politically correct. of course he's not an asshole, but you don't know that he isn't an asshole either. you can't base an opinion on what the media tells you because the media is garbage people. garbage. when people talk about brad and jennifer breaking up and have a serious discussion as to why they broke up and go under the psycology of it all; i want to snap their necks. because they only know what the mdeia wants to sell them on... and it has absolutely no effect on their lives whatsoever... but that's beside the point.

fools

oh and the wealth distribution issue while a very important aspect to economic welfare is not due to bill gates alone, however with that said, it is due to people like bill gates with a ridiculous amount of money while there are other people who cna't even afford subsistence. if wealth were more evenly distributed it would mean that everyone in general would be better off... that's not capititalism, nor is that survival of the fittest, if j.b. clark heard me say that he's called me a pinko commi and try arresting me. but that's cool.


i would also like to take the time to explain to you people that i think you have me confused with someone who actually cares about other people's opinions. because i don't, especially when they contradict mine.


let the hate burn.

Sir Bill Gates? world domination and more

Once upon a time in a land far far away there lived the knights of the round table. these knights fought courageously and honorably for the king or queen that they swore their lives to, as payment along with their lot of land these knights also received the title of "sir" to distingusih themselves from the common rabble.

however in present society the whole meaning of being knighted seems to have been lost somewhere in time, because most recently in the news someone like Bill Gates has been recognized by the queen of england and knighted... What the fuck?

Bill Gates:

- richest man in the world (50 billion USD)
- convicted of practicing anti-competitive behaviour in the USA
- was once falsley accused of dominating the USA
- It has now been proven that it is world domination Gates seeks, fuck the USA
- and he is being investigated in Europe.
- my 10 yearold cousin could beat the fuck out of him one on one in a boxing ring

-sidenote: you'd think the richest man in america would be able to afford to pay someone to cut his hair rather than insisting on doing it himself.

and this fool has been knighted for his "business skills and for his work on poverty reduction"(BBC News)

as if you dumb shits

1. It's people like bill gates which is the reason why there is extreme poverty and unemployment, poverty is caused by single individuals carrying a moderate fraction of the worlds wealth in his/her back pocket (exaggeration fools). Which leads to there being very rich people and very poor people, and as the rich get richer, the middle class will die out completely.

2. when bill does give "generously" to charity it's probably for one reason and one reason only: the major tax benefiets he gets from giving to charity.

3. he can afford to donate millions of dollars to anything millions of dollars would be chump change to the guy who owns most of north america. (owning = windows xp, 2000 and etc...)

4. finally to be knighted you have to be part of the god damn commonwealth!
he's fucking american!


"Jack Straw said he was "delighted" Mr Gates had been honoured.

He added: "He is one of the most important global business leaders of this age.""(BBC News)

well whoopity fucking doo! he is a savy business man! thus so he deserves to be knighted! while we are at it lets give Bill the Nobel Peace Prize, the Academy Award for Best Actor, an emmy nomination for best new comedy, and we'll throw in a fucking Juno award just for laughs. how about that bill? any closer to world domination after that one?



"We talked about using computers, and the foundation, and about her travels and ours"

Bill Gates

i hope you choke

Not funny today, but a rant nonetheless

I’m at a loss people. I no longer have the answers. I never did but that’s why I call upon you people for help, for a solution that I have overlooked. I don’t know what to do with all of the people I hate anymore.

Now I know this could sound hypocritical as I am a second year student, but I’m because I don’t claim to know anything in real life.

There’s this douche in one of my classes and he knew a girl I knew from last semester so we’d sit beside her, but now she dropped but he still purposely sits beside me since she has dropped. And I didn’t mind it until he found out I’m majoring in economics, and then I decided I wanted him to die.

See the thing is, he’s a first year, and many first and second year students are convinced they know shit about fuck. But the fact is this: they know shit all and nothing more.

First and Second year students try to explain to me why I act the way I do because they got a “95% in psychology 110” and thus know everything about the human mind that will ever need to be known.

However my favorite example is kyle, the douche that sits beside me in my class.

Kyle: “you’re majoring in economics!?”

Me: yeah

Kyle: why? Economics is soooo pointless

Me: well yeah I don’t disagree

Kyle: no see the government is so dumb see they could solve the country’s problems with just a few simple steps. But they refuse to do it, and it would be sooo easy

(okay I’m laughing on the inside and I’m curious as to what the government has been missing for hundreds of years but all mighty kyle has figured it out)

Me: uhhh okay what is so simple?

Kyle: you mean you don’t know?

Me: no

Kyle: well if the government just got rid of the bank of Canada and had it so that they completely controlled the money supply and printed money for loans you would get rid of unemployment, and our dollar would be on par with the American dollar, the economy would never go into a recession and world peace would be brought about all in this single stroke.

(okay I added the world peace part, but he honestly said that)

Me: uhh no it’s not that simple

Kyle: well it’s okay you just don’t know because your books probably don’t talk about it. I don’t know why they don’t just do it though.

Me: no dude okay listen what you just said, was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Okay? There’s no way its that simple

Kyle: you are not listening to me because it IS! That simple. The governemnt just lends out money to whoever and just prints it off and they clear the debt with allt he interest they gather and then when people repay their loans the economy will balance itself out. The government just can’t overprint the money is all.

Me: dude I’m not sure I want to get into an argument with you because you really know nothing.

Kyle: you can go on any website and they will tell you that its that easy to fix. The government just has to control the bank completely.

Me: okay here’s the thing in the 1800’s the British Government had just finished a series of wars with napoleon and the government controlled the bank as in your plan. And then the government over issued money and when people came to redeem this money into gold. The bank couldn’t make payment because it over issued bank notes or money and created a colossal economic crash. This happened because the government just printed off as much money as it needed for wars against the French and etc… and the economy crashed ridiculously bad.

Kyle: well they just over printed money

Me: yeah okay you know better than the hundreds of economists that work for the government and who have actually TAKEN an economics course or two. Jesus why aren’t you writing a book?

(in all seriousness as sarcasm would be much too advanced for this boy genius)

Kyle: I might actually


Question: what do you do with people like this?

See I don’t know but I fucking hate this kid. And there is lots of people that think they know shit about their given field. They know fuck, especially in something as complicated as economics.

There are these first year students that will analyze my relationship between myself and my brother and then defend it because they took psych 110. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

If I analyze someone’s relationship with someone else it would be coming out of my ass. which it does. Sometimes I’m right many times I’m not, but it’s not because i go to fucking university that I know anything.

JUST BECAUSE YOU GO TO UNIVERSITY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ANY SMARTER FUNNIER OR MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN THE NEXT GUY SO GET OVER YOURSELF.




My favorite example did not actually happen to me, but it happened to kyle2 and he framed it so perfectly I had to laugh.

(note kyle2 = kyle kitzul and not dipshit I know everything about the world kyle.)

Kyle2 saw a girl he used to kinda date about a year ago. And he asked her what she’s doing now

Danica: oh I’m going to university it’s great actually I’m just learning so much. I’m going into commerce to become a big successful business woman etc…

Kyle2: oh yeah that’s totally cool

Danica: what are you doing?

Kyle2: oh you know I’m just working at costco and etc…

Danica: oh….well I’ve gotta go…

And completely shuts down kyle, because he’s not going to school. Hah!

This year kyle saw danica at futureshop and asked her what she’s doing

Danica: oh I dropped out of school and now I don’t know what I want to do you know? I dunno we’ll just see.

hilarious