Just When I Thought I Couldn't Hate Anymore
Okay as we all know i hate people. and i do. i hate people for no reason, i hate people for good reasons, i just hate people in general. Now Evan and i had a talk where he came to the conclusion i would be a bleeding heart sissy if i didn't hate as many people as i do. which is probably true. while i do like a lot of people as well, and like meeting new people, i do hate my fair share of people but not enough, i really don't want to be known as "Duncan the bleeding heart sissy"... So as a rememdy to this i've come up with a plan of how to hate even more people, and this website is going to be the mode of which i will put my plan into effect. Create a "To Do" list to make me hate you! It's reallyquite simple i just get the other half of saskatoon (the other half of saskatoon i already hate, so we're already almost there.) to begin following my 10 easy to follow persona's to have me wish for their death. YAY!
1. Bar Bitches
Alright to be a bar bitch is quite simple, i'm going to break it down into two classes male and female. while female bar bitches i will tolerate, male bar bitches, however, i will not, they should be handled like ving rhames handles zombies: shotgun blast to the face.
Priceless
These guys seriously are god damn ridiculous. I will give you the biography of people like this:
Their name is somthing like John Doe, they graduated highschool and rather than doing something useful with their lives like learning a trade or going to school they just work at some factory for slightly better than minimum wage job so that they can afford to blow all of their cash on drinks at bars like the Scuz, Pat or Overdrive. They have no hobbies no interests other than sex with women, shitty cars, bars, working out, over priced clothing, and sex. They spend their days at their shitty jobs dreaming of the bar and all the women they will impress with their lack of personality and deadfish eyes. there is no reason to these people's existence except to accidently produce a child in which case they will deny the charge of being the father (because the girl was obviously a bar slut, who gets with everyone) and their child in all probability will grow up to be useless like his/her biological father. Beautiful!
John Doe will eventually grow old marry some girl that is too good for him, he'll beat her senseless every night and eventually he will die wondering whatever happened to his life.
now this is just one story, bar bitches exist everywhere and in fact there are plenty of bar bitch guys that do go to school and are jsut as boring and uninteresting. university gives people the feeling of superiority among other people which is ridiculous, but that is a story for another time.
anyway hopefully my diagram will help illustrate how all of you can become bar bitches, and hopefully ving rhames will pay you a visit.
Bar bitch Females exist everywhere we talk about them all of the time and i don't feel the need to go into their problems because they are closesly related to bar bitch guys; the only difference is bar bitch girls wear 6 pounds of make-up, rather than consuming 6 pounds of steriods.
2. Question Guy/Girl
It's really quite simple just follow me around to all my clasess and put your hand up for every 30 seconds to ask the most obvious or blatantly retarded questions ever. Or better yet don't even ask questions just put your hand up and make statements such as this:
asshole: "what if i just called X, Z instead and carry the denominator?"
the prof will always say: "Yes that would work"
asshole: "Okay thanks, oh i have another pointless question to waste the class time with so that i make it impossible for you to finish a lecture... even though i already know the answer to all the questions i'm going to ask, i just want everyone else in the class to think i'm smart. just because i'm a fucking loser"
me: jesus i fucking hate that guy
other person: ME TOO!
me: fuck lets kill him
3. Names that start with R and end in E for 500
Anyone who knows me already know i hate this guy, and while i have no real legitimate reason to hate him, seeing as i have never actually spoken to him, i do know just enough to have a deep passion for hating him.
A) he tucks his sweater into his pants... i mean honestly what the fuck? did your mommy dress you with her millions of dollars? yes.
B) Incompetent at rolling up his sleeves, he just pushed them up midway up his forearm, so that he can walk around with his hands on his waist like douche.
C) He clips his cellphone onto his belt... enough said
D) He likes to talk about all the thigns he owns or posesses on a fairly regular basis, i think i've heard him talk about his big tv and his hot tub atleast 5 times.
the funny thing is i have a bigger better tv and a fucking pool motherfucker, and you don't hear me going on about it. why?!? because i don't suck cock for a living.
E) He doesn't really work he jsut plays video games all day and lives off the rent from the property his parents paid for.
(okay that one maybe jealousy)
F) His face would look better if i crashed a car into it.
serious he's an ugly bastard.
G) His friends are the same chachy fags as he is, just they don't tuck in their sweaters
So there you go you probably would only have to includ half of those listed traits into your regular routine for me to hate you enough to create a voodoo doll representing you.... it's actually a good thign i don't beleive in voodoo because i would have closests filled with voodoo dolls at any given moment in time.
5. Julia Roberts
Bitch. I hate Julia Roberts. anything about her disgusts me, especially when people say she is a great actress.
i got news for you asshole she's not a great actress!
she just plays an uncomprimising bitch in all of her movie roles just as she is in real life: an ugly ho. when shes smiles i just want to get in my car and drive to hollywood and curbstomp her child and if i have time i'd punch her in the face. i mean she is responsible for ruining great movies like ocean's 11 and runaway bride... okay i'm kidding on runaway bride but you get my point.
if you want me to hate you just start a Julia Roberts fansite like this one here. after viewing it i've lost all appetetite to do anything other than stab my eyes out with a pencil.
goodnight
6.White Thugs
7. Nelly + Usher = pain
8. extreme uncomprimising christian or relgious bastards.
9. complain about wanting to kill yourself all the time
10. extreme crackhead
okay i'm done for now i may do a follow up to the items i listed but did not go into detail.
1. Bar Bitches
Alright to be a bar bitch is quite simple, i'm going to break it down into two classes male and female. while female bar bitches i will tolerate, male bar bitches, however, i will not, they should be handled like ving rhames handles zombies: shotgun blast to the face.
Priceless
These guys seriously are god damn ridiculous. I will give you the biography of people like this:
Their name is somthing like John Doe, they graduated highschool and rather than doing something useful with their lives like learning a trade or going to school they just work at some factory for slightly better than minimum wage job so that they can afford to blow all of their cash on drinks at bars like the Scuz, Pat or Overdrive. They have no hobbies no interests other than sex with women, shitty cars, bars, working out, over priced clothing, and sex. They spend their days at their shitty jobs dreaming of the bar and all the women they will impress with their lack of personality and deadfish eyes. there is no reason to these people's existence except to accidently produce a child in which case they will deny the charge of being the father (because the girl was obviously a bar slut, who gets with everyone) and their child in all probability will grow up to be useless like his/her biological father. Beautiful!
John Doe will eventually grow old marry some girl that is too good for him, he'll beat her senseless every night and eventually he will die wondering whatever happened to his life.
now this is just one story, bar bitches exist everywhere and in fact there are plenty of bar bitch guys that do go to school and are jsut as boring and uninteresting. university gives people the feeling of superiority among other people which is ridiculous, but that is a story for another time.
anyway hopefully my diagram will help illustrate how all of you can become bar bitches, and hopefully ving rhames will pay you a visit.
Bar bitch Females exist everywhere we talk about them all of the time and i don't feel the need to go into their problems because they are closesly related to bar bitch guys; the only difference is bar bitch girls wear 6 pounds of make-up, rather than consuming 6 pounds of steriods.
2. Question Guy/Girl
It's really quite simple just follow me around to all my clasess and put your hand up for every 30 seconds to ask the most obvious or blatantly retarded questions ever. Or better yet don't even ask questions just put your hand up and make statements such as this:
asshole: "what if i just called X, Z instead and carry the denominator?"
the prof will always say: "Yes that would work"
asshole: "Okay thanks, oh i have another pointless question to waste the class time with so that i make it impossible for you to finish a lecture... even though i already know the answer to all the questions i'm going to ask, i just want everyone else in the class to think i'm smart. just because i'm a fucking loser"
me: jesus i fucking hate that guy
other person: ME TOO!
me: fuck lets kill him
3. Names that start with R and end in E for 500
Anyone who knows me already know i hate this guy, and while i have no real legitimate reason to hate him, seeing as i have never actually spoken to him, i do know just enough to have a deep passion for hating him.
A) he tucks his sweater into his pants... i mean honestly what the fuck? did your mommy dress you with her millions of dollars? yes.
B) Incompetent at rolling up his sleeves, he just pushed them up midway up his forearm, so that he can walk around with his hands on his waist like douche.
C) He clips his cellphone onto his belt... enough said
D) He likes to talk about all the thigns he owns or posesses on a fairly regular basis, i think i've heard him talk about his big tv and his hot tub atleast 5 times.
the funny thing is i have a bigger better tv and a fucking pool motherfucker, and you don't hear me going on about it. why?!? because i don't suck cock for a living.
E) He doesn't really work he jsut plays video games all day and lives off the rent from the property his parents paid for.
(okay that one maybe jealousy)
F) His face would look better if i crashed a car into it.
serious he's an ugly bastard.
G) His friends are the same chachy fags as he is, just they don't tuck in their sweaters
So there you go you probably would only have to includ half of those listed traits into your regular routine for me to hate you enough to create a voodoo doll representing you.... it's actually a good thign i don't beleive in voodoo because i would have closests filled with voodoo dolls at any given moment in time.
5. Julia Roberts
Bitch. I hate Julia Roberts. anything about her disgusts me, especially when people say she is a great actress.
i got news for you asshole she's not a great actress!
she just plays an uncomprimising bitch in all of her movie roles just as she is in real life: an ugly ho. when shes smiles i just want to get in my car and drive to hollywood and curbstomp her child and if i have time i'd punch her in the face. i mean she is responsible for ruining great movies like ocean's 11 and runaway bride... okay i'm kidding on runaway bride but you get my point.
if you want me to hate you just start a Julia Roberts fansite like this one here. after viewing it i've lost all appetetite to do anything other than stab my eyes out with a pencil.
goodnight
6.White Thugs
7. Nelly + Usher = pain
8. extreme uncomprimising christian or relgious bastards.
9. complain about wanting to kill yourself all the time
10. extreme crackhead
okay i'm done for now i may do a follow up to the items i listed but did not go into detail.
posted by Doc at
12:33 AM
4 Comments:
whose the guy you were talking about
tell me so i can hate him too
and don't hate on JR, shes not that bad. Though shes not hot.
By
joe, at 11:29 PM
I'd stick it in Julia. And I've only heard of sweater tucked into pants man. He reminds me of the security guy at work, i swear that guy puts his sunglasses in his hair then spikes his hair around it (these people do exist) he also wears his cell on his belt, and wears stuff from randy river. horrible.
By
Clifford, at 1:31 AM
Ya that guy is one of those bitches that i also hate. And its hilarious that Jay could probably even beat him up. Ugliest person on earth. And by the way kudos to senior Duncan on the site well done. So far this has honestly been the funniest site i've read. Way to make it sound nothing like how you talk. haha. Keep up the good work cause its fucking hilarious. By the way you have all those bar ppl down to a t and your drawings are super white!!(good thing)!!
-Dave
By
Anonymous, at 5:05 PM
actually it is a lot how i talk in regards to me hating something, just most people don't like hearing about how i hate people for no reason... or i jsut assumed.
By
Doc, at 7:24 PM
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