Bad at Driving? Try Bad at Walking!
We all know Saskatchewan drivers are fucking terrible. like ridiculously bad, and no one really knows why, it's like one of those impossible mysteries like bigfoot and how do they really get the caramel in the caramilk bar (which i might add is the lamest commerical ever). anyway i'm not here to talk about bad saskatchewan driving, because it's so terrible that's it's not even really worth ranting over.
the point to my post today is how similar walking the halls of a university are to saskatchewan driving. You know what i mean, it's those people that can't fucking merge, or they move too god damn slow and they always stop for no apprarent reason. these fucking people are going to kill me and they aren't even driving car! they are fucking walking! the most basic thing any human learns and these people are incapable of putting one foot infront of them without holding up an entire line of people. when i'm at school i fucking hate walking behind those tiny women typically asian (no offence i just mean typically it is petite asian women), these girls aren't even THAT short, yet they still couldn't cover a football field within 3 days of straight walking. you know the ones i'm talking about the ones where you just want to shove out of the way and then curb stomp if you had the time. i hate these people and never ever know how to deal with them.
typically what ends up hapenning is where you try to keep pace with the slow bitches, trying desperately not to run them over, but as a result you look like some inbred retard that grew up in the longbranch trying to make his way across the university hallway with fast awkward and small steps tripping over your own feet.... and you never know what to do in this situation dodge? check? play dead?
when i run into this situation serval options run through my mind:
A) politely look for any kind of opening that you can squeeze around these tortoises, and everytime there is a opening you go towards it only to have it cut off so you seem like one of those assholes dodging side to side trying to find an opening. thus so politeness failed and you should have gone striaght to option D.
B) stop completely, pretend to stare at a poster advertising free condoms for gay couples and then proceed after 5 minutes on your merry way walking normally and uninterrupted until you run into that god damn blind guy who needs an entire hallway all to himself or he'll beat you with his feely blindstick thing.
C) Accept the fact you are a pussy and carry on walking like a retard the entire length of the tunnel hoping that eventually the people obstructing your path will die or move on in another direction.
D) forget politeness and do what your heart desires, try hurddling overtop of them. or fi you don't have stilts for legs like me just barrel through them, and insincerely say "sorry about that... bitches" and and continue on your sexy strut.
That's just slow moving i've covered we've still got merging
The day saskatoon drivers learn how to merge is the same day i get sex, its about as likely as pigs flying and hell freezing over, it won't happen.
so as a result the same problem exists in the hallway, the number one guys for this are the member of the auido visual club that can't figure out that if you keep on going no ones going to stop you, they just stand there constantly putting the foot down and doing the elliott stutter incapable of moving forward into the line of traffic. now i have to push through like 6 other people stuck behind this asshole just so i can move on with the rest of traffic. as a 6'4 tall guy who can bench his own body weight i just look for the guy who looks the least intimidating and cut him off( i usually have this thign with cutting off women.... something my mom beat into me), if i were a nerdy guy however that did not have a mom like mine i would look for the smallest nerdiest girl and cut her off. it's that simple people. big fish eats small fish; survival of the fittest!
Moral of the Story:
I hate walking the halls of the university almost as much as i hate neckbeards.
P.S. i'll edit the grammar possibly tommrrow.
the point to my post today is how similar walking the halls of a university are to saskatchewan driving. You know what i mean, it's those people that can't fucking merge, or they move too god damn slow and they always stop for no apprarent reason. these fucking people are going to kill me and they aren't even driving car! they are fucking walking! the most basic thing any human learns and these people are incapable of putting one foot infront of them without holding up an entire line of people. when i'm at school i fucking hate walking behind those tiny women typically asian (no offence i just mean typically it is petite asian women), these girls aren't even THAT short, yet they still couldn't cover a football field within 3 days of straight walking. you know the ones i'm talking about the ones where you just want to shove out of the way and then curb stomp if you had the time. i hate these people and never ever know how to deal with them.
typically what ends up hapenning is where you try to keep pace with the slow bitches, trying desperately not to run them over, but as a result you look like some inbred retard that grew up in the longbranch trying to make his way across the university hallway with fast awkward and small steps tripping over your own feet.... and you never know what to do in this situation dodge? check? play dead?
when i run into this situation serval options run through my mind:
A) politely look for any kind of opening that you can squeeze around these tortoises, and everytime there is a opening you go towards it only to have it cut off so you seem like one of those assholes dodging side to side trying to find an opening. thus so politeness failed and you should have gone striaght to option D.
B) stop completely, pretend to stare at a poster advertising free condoms for gay couples and then proceed after 5 minutes on your merry way walking normally and uninterrupted until you run into that god damn blind guy who needs an entire hallway all to himself or he'll beat you with his feely blindstick thing.
C) Accept the fact you are a pussy and carry on walking like a retard the entire length of the tunnel hoping that eventually the people obstructing your path will die or move on in another direction.
D) forget politeness and do what your heart desires, try hurddling overtop of them. or fi you don't have stilts for legs like me just barrel through them, and insincerely say "sorry about that... bitches" and and continue on your sexy strut.
That's just slow moving i've covered we've still got merging
The day saskatoon drivers learn how to merge is the same day i get sex, its about as likely as pigs flying and hell freezing over, it won't happen.
so as a result the same problem exists in the hallway, the number one guys for this are the member of the auido visual club that can't figure out that if you keep on going no ones going to stop you, they just stand there constantly putting the foot down and doing the elliott stutter incapable of moving forward into the line of traffic. now i have to push through like 6 other people stuck behind this asshole just so i can move on with the rest of traffic. as a 6'4 tall guy who can bench his own body weight i just look for the guy who looks the least intimidating and cut him off( i usually have this thign with cutting off women.... something my mom beat into me), if i were a nerdy guy however that did not have a mom like mine i would look for the smallest nerdiest girl and cut her off. it's that simple people. big fish eats small fish; survival of the fittest!
Moral of the Story:
I hate walking the halls of the university almost as much as i hate neckbeards.
P.S. i'll edit the grammar possibly tommrrow.
posted by Doc at
11:52 PM
3 Comments:
FUCK do i ever hate saskatchewan drivers lol. today there were these two assholes giving approx 50+ cars saskatchewan road love. i could see when as i was approaching the circle drive bridge. there was free open road then these assholes and then 50+ grid locked cars. now by the time i weaved my way through and got up to one of them i gave him the horn finger and fucking piece of my mind. the worst thing is that he didnt even think that he was doing anything wrong. although i have never made that connection duncan i would have to agree with you that the university hallways also remind me of all those POS drivers. however i am blessed with the fact that there is never at any moment enough traffic in the halls of engineering to ever make it impossible to pass these assholes.
LDUB
By
Anonymous, at 4:04 PM
place riel tunnel my friend avoid it like the plague... or the arts ramp.
By
Doc, at 6:13 PM
I don't go to university, so I can't relate.
Thought I'd post anyway though.
By
Clifford, at 7:32 PM
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