Ode to comm 303

No one really likes commerce students, commerce students are treated like lepers, we fear the disease of jelled hair, brown suede boots, and striped collared shirts, which is why commerce is that quarantined section of arts and science.

Commerce is also quarantined because that is where the university sends failed engineers and middle-class highschool meatheads.

Every single time I run through commerce to catch the 27 which stops out front, I always get a nauseating whiff of and array of different types of axe body spray. Axe body spray! Need I say more? I shouldn’t, but I must. Axe is the epitome of effective advertising for easily manipulated, objectifying, barstar douchebags.

The hormone levels are astronomically high, and I feel violated everytime I find myself against my will in the commerce reading room overhearing completely pointless conversations.

Like there are pointless conversations like:

Person1“weather’s nice today hey?”

Person2“it is a nice day today”

And then there is:

Commguy:“you’re stupid”

Commgirl: “No you’re stupid”

Commguy: “no you’re stupid!!”

Me: “you’re both fucking commerce students!”

Being called a commerce student is the equivalent of calling someone a complete and utter abomination of life.

I suppose I should explain further or at least justify myself for this undying hate for the commerce department. But I won’t….

Okay fine.

I was thinking of getting a business economics degree, which would merely be an applied economics degree. Which is what commerce is: applied. However, the problem resides in the fact that there is no real thought or theory in commerce, and everyone walks around thinking they know how the market and the job sector work. And in reality they are no different than political studies majors who will say “I’m a political studies major so I ‘know’ how governments operate” and thus, somehow, their opinion is more valid than my own.

The difference is, however, is that at least political science majors aren’t a giant chauchfest. The people that take commerce are generally a cross between Justin Timberlake and Wallstreet. And not New York Wallstreet but the 80’s version of Wallstreet, the outdated Saskatoon version of Wallstreet.

So many of these people imagine themselves in a skyrise apartment flat overlooking the big city drinking their cheap cognac and middle grade wine watching the game on their 70 inch tv. It’s repulsive, which is not to say I wouldn’t mind that life. But it’s so simple and they all see some version of this future: ‘the American money making dream’.

I’ve had conversations with people about stocks but most of these guys read their warren buffet textbooks and perform the basic calculations they’ve learned in basic accounting and portfolio analysis and say they have figured out the stock market and talk about it. It isn’t until later that you learn that they basically buy into whatever anyone else is buying into and just follow the pack of white picket fence day traders; who will be the death of the stock market… or so I’m told.

Most of all, I hate the lack of university idealism that they have. It’s too practical and boring, why go to university if you’re not going to vote NDP or the Green Party? That’s half the fun of being an idealistic dipshit going to university and not really experiencing the real world. Because eventually ending aids in Africa and feeding the children of the world will get in the way of your own personal motivation, wants and needs.

I probably hate commerce because I see myself heading into that direction, but at least I’m trying to fight it- for atleast 4 years.

Why’s he in sociology?