I'm a bastard, but she's still a bitch

Okay there is this girl that plagues my life and my overall university experience. I hate her. I hate the way she talks to me as if we are the best of friends that go way back, the way she boasts herself, the way she incessantly talks about herself expecting only catch phrases such as “no way” and “wow” to flow through my parted lips. And even so, I can barely fit in “no w-“ before I’m cut off, because obviously I interrupted her when she was talking about her favorite topic: herself.

Generally I can deal with this.

Generally I can deal with the fact that every time I talk to her she is going somewhere else in a distant unrealistic time period with her many friends only to cut off her own bragging when her cell phone rings- which is when I have to leave.

But I can’t deal with the fact that she thinks she’s a hottie.

Not only does she talk about herself non-stop but she has convinced herself that she is actually attractive. Now here’s the thing, she is not attractive. She’s a cow. A butterface without the body. She is homely. Disgusting. And any other cliched guy phrasing that means that she is ugly. I cannot stress this enough, but the fact is she thinks she’s hot.

She hangs out with some hot girls, and some guy usually ends up taking her home throughout the course of a night. What she doesn’t know is that that the dude that takes her home any night of the week sacrificed himself for the team. THE TEAM!

Here’s how it works.

4 girls are standing at the bar and 4 guys are standing at the other side. One of the guys draws the odd straw and now must seduce mcbitch. reluctantly. Which the rest of his friends are seduced or seduce the other attractive female friends. That is how it works.

But this “take one for the team” mentality is actually detrimental to society.

Reason being is that mcbitch’s self esteem is boosted, and is now thinking that she is a hot interesting person, and as a result actually thinks people are interested in what she has to say… They Aren’t! BUT she thinks they are. And that is the problem…

Now you may ask why must I deal with her? … because I have to really, I’m in a situation that I can’t tell her to straight up fuck off, because I will still have to deal with her.

So I’ve been thinking of ways to deal with this problem, without the words “fuck” and “off”

Some solutions involve putting her picture on hotornot.com

Nice thing about that solution is I wouldn’t even have to sabotage it and vote from all the computers throughout the university. Laissez faire will take care of my dilemma. Problem is not breaking my camera when I take a picture of her, or explaining to her that I’m not taking her picture because I think she’s hot, but it’s more like a social experiment.

Another problem with that is that she may still think she has a great personality, or it may be too late and her self-esteem is irreversibly high. But her Achilles heel if you will is her personality. And if I don’t do something I’m probably going to have to tear my face off… And I have no solution to that situation.

Overall the most effective solution would be dealing with her like Ving Rhames deals with zombies: shotgun blast to the chest.