Economic Development

I’m writing an essay on Women & the economy, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is directly related with my current feeling of overwhelming hopelessness. I know nothing of women; let alone women in the economy. I would be just as well-if not better suited to write about how amoebas affect the stock exchange of oil in Tanzania.

Damn my econ prof and her redundant and inflexible essay question. ( I guess it’s not so redundant as I’ve proved with my lack of knowledge, but meh)

This is where my 95% on my first midterm will be reduced to a more average average, while simultaneously allowing the struggling sociology majors a chance to boost their average to something that will allow them to do nothing with their degrees.

Anyway as I said I’m writing an essay and thus felt the need to update this deteriorating site.

I’ve effectively stopped drinking and writing, which has reduced the updates dramatically, and as you can see the quality hasn’t increased by much either. My excuse is that I’m working all the time, which sucks. The place is trying to force me into a position that I will either quit or fail out of university and work there full time until I kill myself; which (for those that are curious) would be exactly 2 weeks after dropping out of university.

The people kinda drive me nuts, while everyone is more or less friendly, my age group and etcetera they just really aren’t my clique.

Conversation are relentless unoriginal.

“How are you doin?”
“Good”

You will be categorized as an asshole if you don’t respond with “you?” so that you can hear the parroted response that you gave them a minute ago. Why?

Cause we’re Canadian and friendly I guess, and it’s the only way to meet people. The problem however, is that: I don’t want to meet people.

I was talking to Joel and he asked how is that I don’t hate working as much as he does, and other than me not being a complete emo-drama-myspace kid, is that I don’t have to work with other emo-myspace-drama 16 yearolds. And really, all 16 yearolds are like that. Retarded.

And as soon as I said that I realized I was incorrect. Albeit the people I work with are between 18-24 years of age, they really aren’t in any way different or more mature than the 16 yearolds.

They are still retarded.

When they aren’t talking about work or how often they work, or when they work next, or whether or not they should call in work sick tomorrow cause they are moderately feeling sick but in reality they just don’t want to work because then they could change the subject other than work, but in reality work is the only thing they ever have to talk about in their dull work filled lives.

So yeah I am the king of exaggerating generalizations sometimes there are other subjects people at work talk about other than work, such as: going out drinking… with people from work. Or who hooked up with who from work, or which dating circle is who currently involved in with emphasis on which direction the circle is rotating clockwise or counter clockwise ( this information is imperative because people from work want to know when their turn in the dating circle will arrive ( probably so that they can plan on fake baking and waxing themselves in preparation, nothing is worse than being caught offguard))

Anyway, I think the biggest problem with these people is they don’t relaize how juvenile and trivial these conversations really are. I’d hate myself as a person if I engaged in a conversation like this. In fact I already hate myself as a person so the question really is why don’t I engage in conversations that would make myself hate myself as a person since I already hate myself as a person?

The answer is:

I’m constantly changing. Every year I look back on all the stupid things I’ve done and try to change, and I look back thinking how much more mature, experienced and more intelligent that I am this year than the year before. In fact I’m the most intelligent I’ve ever been and next year I’ll be even more intelligent mature, jaded, and etcetera than I was before. Even reading posts from when I first began writing on this site to now, there is an obvious change. The style as of now, is not as faked in the attempts to be funny, the style is more mature and everything about it-apart from the lack of updates and the lack of humour overall, is better.

Every day is another day of self-reflection or self-analysis.

It is a continuous process.

However, I feel that my co workers along with 98% of the people I hate lack this drive for development. The plot has stagnated at the age of 16, and there are absolutely no signs that there will ever be a point to the conflict at hand, it will never progress and there is nothing more to learn.

Likewise trivial conversations will perpetuate until the end of time with absolutely no sign that they will ever end.

Of course I’m being both too critical and hypocritical,

but this is more or less what separates my friends from acquaintances.