Dear World, Wolfblast Yellow Label is shit.

Yes it is true all of you alleged connoisseurs of wine have little to no taste in wine, but as consolation I will say you have great taste in redwine vinegar… because Wolfblast any label is only good with food, and when I say food what I really mean is mixed into food as vinegar.

For those of us that are uninformed wolfblast yellow label is an Australian wine that has stormed media outlets, liquor stores and the homes of America with full force. I’ve said this for years, people are morons and they do whatever the general public tells them to do, and in this case it is drink shitty red wine, because everyone mindlessly and unknowingly thinks it’s good.

When I go to a restaurant the girls always order wolfblast yellow label as if it were actually consumable on it’s own. And refuse to drink or try any other kind of wine- this is brainwashing my friends, and I for one will not stand by idly watching the world consume vinegar for 18 dollars a bottle.

But everywhere I go Wolfblast is taunting my face, taunting me because it knows that I see through their corporate scheme, I see bottles of wolfblasat showcased in people’s homes, I see it when they order wine at a restaurant, I see it in the news, and I even see it in fucking online cartoons!

http://www.leasticoulddo.com/index2.php?date=20060216

At work people will come up to the bar and ask for wolfblast or ask for something close to wolf blast and my responses is always the same “ I’m sure the kitchen has some cooking wine, hold on”

People pretend to know shit about wine I hate it when I recommend one of the best low price wines we offer and people will pretend like they know what they are talking about and order the 320% marked up cheap shit over the mildly marked up one that is roughly the same price but doesn’t carry a big name and is 1000% times better.

But I mean here is me gnawing away at the most successful wine company to hit the market in years, gnawing vigorously against a cause that it so ridiculous... it’s a lost cause because after the movie sideways pinot noir sales jumped 45% for no reason other than people are easily manipulated.

Anyway, I realize that none of you(my readers) care or even drink wine, but this is just a word to the wise: if I catch you drinking wolf blast pretending like you like it, then I will be forced to stab you in the throat and forge your suicide note.

It will read as follows

“ I just realized while drinking this vinegar that I am a tool of society, and decided to end my life in this rather manly fashion of shoving a bread knife through my jugular. Oh and Duncan is the bestest.

Good bye cruel world”

Jay is Full of Shit

To say that Soccer is a talentless game that anyone could play is total drunken ignorance at it’s best.

With that said, it is a little known fact that world cup soccer players are all graduates of The New York Film Academy with degrees in dramatic acting. It is not easy to scrap your knee and make it seem like you will never use your legs ever again, but hey! these guys are professionals!

Soccer athletes spend 4-5 hours a day practicing fake crying, so are obviously better than others but all of which are professionals. Each and every of the 50 billion metrosexual soccer players on that field can cry at will, which helps them pick up other men and dish out red cards.

Sportscasters have been talking about how to eliminate New York acting (the only skill soccer players have) from the field, which would enable anybody to run back and forth on the field without being noticed.

My suggestion was if they had a sniper sitting there ready to put any of the players out of their misery it would surely cut down on the fake crying. You would finally see people take NFL style hits and brush it off like John Wayne. Problem solved.

I'm a Wierdo

I’m a weirdo

The other day my friend Brian (boss) told me that Dan the executive chef who is a 40 yearold feminine version of Cartman who sports more chins than Rita Mcneil thinks that I’m a strange dude and it wouldn’t surprise him if I one day climbed a bell tower and went to town.


Now there are lots of different types of strange there is mike, my roommate talking to himself in the bathroom strange, or drunk golfer forcing himself on a server strange (which happens all too often), or bell tower strange, and offbeat quirky strange (which I more or less imagine myself).

I definitely, however don’t fit the bell tower strange mainly because the biggest gun I’ve fired has been a .22. which means that if I were to climb a belltower with any gun it would pretty much end as one of the most comical displays of attempted homicidal behavior… ever.

But anyway with this new information I decided it would be a terrible loss to move on

The next time Dan was in his office by himself I turned to him as I was grabbing my bar float and said “Dan have you ever had one of those days where you could just kill somebody? You know what I mean? (I squinted my left eye as I said the words “You know what I mean?” and then nervously laughed and walked away.)

And then whenever I see Dan I always do the wink gun thing as creepily as possible.

Dan is now trying to get me fired.

Brwahahaha little does he know I’ll just come back with and uzi and go American Postal Service on his fat ass. (obviously he doesn’t think things through)


…I’m not crazy… am I?

What's up

So i finally was able to hookup to the internet 20 minutes ago, because Telus is a joke, and now i gotta go to work pretty quick here but i'lll quickly update the world.

i'm alive,

and that is all.