There's Snakes on the Motherfucking Plane!

Well my man Samuel Jackson is coming out with a suspense thriller this summer entitled "SNAKES ON A PLANE" perhaps the second greatest title for a movie- EVER First of course belonging to "Surf Nazi’s Must Die" (however, despite the awesome title, the movie fails to satisfy my desire to see surf nazi’s getting their shit ruined.)

The Plot: On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, let’s loose a crate full of deadly snakes hellbent on killing a passenger who's in witness protective custody.… WITH SAM JACKSON!

This interview is taken from demfamer.com

Beaks: One of those films that you’re working on right now is… well, it’s called Pacific Air 121—

Jackson: Snakes on a Plane, man!

Beaks: Exactly.

Jackson: We’re totally changing that back. That’s the only reason I took the job: I read the title.

Beaks: Snakes on a Plane! That’s everything!

Jackson: You either want to see that, or you don’t.

Beaks: And how are those snakes? Besides being on a plane?

Jackson: Some of them are aggressive, some of them are cool. They’re interesting to watch, and interesting to interact with. It depends on what kind of snake it is. One day, it took, like, four guys to bring in this 350 lb. Burmese Python. We were all like, "Where’s that goin’?" And I watched an Albino Cobra strike airplane seats the other day. I watched it from another studio. It’s actually been a fun show. But we’re taking the name back! [to Snakes on a Plane]

Sweet!

Anyway with sucha great title you'd think a tagline would be pointless, but there are quite a great deal of fantastic taglines circulating. My top 10 taglines for the up and coming movie "Snakes on a Plane" are as follows.

Snakes on a Plane! "_________"

10. "It's beyond your imagination"

9. "Oh yes, there will be snakes"

8. "Scared of heights? Scared of snakes? We put them together."

7. "When you’re in a plane, you can't escape a snake."

6. "When there are snakes on a plane, no one wins."

5. "Snakes On A Plane: All the good plots were taken"

4. "We don't actually need a Tag-line, but we have to fill in space on the poster so...."

3. "Snakes + Plane = Snakes on a Plane"

2. "The food sucks, too."

1. "Snakes. Plane."

Glare of Death

In my political studies class a girl there told me that she saw me at Lydias a couple weeks ago and wanted to talk to me, but I’m soo utterly unapproachable that she couldn’t do it.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I look unfriendly.

So I started to actually think and question the possible causes for this.

Corrine too is told that she gives people angry glares.

Interesting…

So I started to do some deductive reasoning, and reason out why we both are told that we're unapporachable: we both have hair, eyes, feet, toes, and we both go to university. I spent hours struggling with this information trying to draw some sort of conclusion as to why we are both unapproachable. It finally hit me this morning after i woke up, we both had different sized feet!

- actually I realized we are both arts and science students who go through the arts tunnel to get to class. And it all made sense from there:

the arts tunnel for those that don’t know, is the place where merchants and student societies set up booths and literally impose flyers, suckers and other useless shit on everyone who walks by them.

It’s so utterly pathetic because everyone who gives in and accepts the flyer that was forced into their chest inevitably ends up throwing the flyer into the garbage 2 feet later without even looking at it.

It’s a waste of paper and a waste of time.

And it is EVERY DAY!

So as a result I’ve mastered the art of giving these flyer pushing sons of bitches the Glare of Death, so as to ensure that I never have to deal with another glossed flyer advertising “Coco Loco” or “Saving the Rainforests!”




The unanticipated effect of performing the glare of death every day for 24 months is that it is hard to stop glaring at people like you want to murder their family and maybe their dog, and so it carries on into my social life and into my classes and etc.

People should understand that when you’re finishing your third year of university you’ll be totally unapproachable as well. So don’t blame me, blame the arts tunnel.

The Arts Tunnel increases the difficulty of making friends in university by 600%.

Ugh

Ruining nerd’s dreams since 1985.

Alright who is the cock that started this whole ninjas vs. robots vs. pirates argument?

For part of my English biography class I’ve been reading random blogs (which is more tedious than any of you can possibly imagine) and I’ve come across countless pages of posts where these assholes argue to the death which cliché antagonist would come out on top in a free-for-all fight.

…

yeah.

The worst thing about this argument is that it has no end, because people will create rules, situations, theoretical advantages and disadvantages all in a useless effort to side their opinion.

For example:

People will add things like robots have lasers, then some other asshole will pipe in and say that pirates have reflective mirrors, but ninjas have super quick reflexes… It’s like dungeons and dragons just much, much worse, and if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about.

The rules don’t even have any physical limitations! Physics or any thing resembling a coherent, logical thought is nonexistent. It’s like arguing that Oprah isn’t a mindless bitch on a power trip, or banning knives will end stabbings murders; all of those topics are such ridiculous arguments that I want to curbstomp anyone who brings up any of them.

And not just any curbstomp The E.Norton Curbstomp.

Remember when that guy was badass?

Basically what I have gathered is that this whole Pirates, Robots, and Ninjas thing exists solely as conversation filler for the socially retarded. It’s a circular argument that never ends it’s like trying to understand why silver tequila sells, or why Randy River is still around, or why Nickelback keeps haunting my dreams, or why Louis is hosting “Theory of a Deadman” or why I’m going to die bitter and alone. None of it can be understood so if you don’t mind I’m going to go curbstomp puppies.

Ode to comm 303

No one really likes commerce students, commerce students are treated like lepers, we fear the disease of jelled hair, brown suede boots, and striped collared shirts, which is why commerce is that quarantined section of arts and science.

Commerce is also quarantined because that is where the university sends failed engineers and middle-class highschool meatheads.

Every single time I run through commerce to catch the 27 which stops out front, I always get a nauseating whiff of and array of different types of axe body spray. Axe body spray! Need I say more? I shouldn’t, but I must. Axe is the epitome of effective advertising for easily manipulated, objectifying, barstar douchebags.

The hormone levels are astronomically high, and I feel violated everytime I find myself against my will in the commerce reading room overhearing completely pointless conversations.

Like there are pointless conversations like:

Person1“weather’s nice today hey?”

Person2“it is a nice day today”

And then there is:

Commguy:“you’re stupid”

Commgirl: “No you’re stupid”

Commguy: “no you’re stupid!!”

Me: “you’re both fucking commerce students!”

Being called a commerce student is the equivalent of calling someone a complete and utter abomination of life.

I suppose I should explain further or at least justify myself for this undying hate for the commerce department. But I won’t….

Okay fine.

I was thinking of getting a business economics degree, which would merely be an applied economics degree. Which is what commerce is: applied. However, the problem resides in the fact that there is no real thought or theory in commerce, and everyone walks around thinking they know how the market and the job sector work. And in reality they are no different than political studies majors who will say “I’m a political studies major so I ‘know’ how governments operate” and thus, somehow, their opinion is more valid than my own.

The difference is, however, is that at least political science majors aren’t a giant chauchfest. The people that take commerce are generally a cross between Justin Timberlake and Wallstreet. And not New York Wallstreet but the 80’s version of Wallstreet, the outdated Saskatoon version of Wallstreet.

So many of these people imagine themselves in a skyrise apartment flat overlooking the big city drinking their cheap cognac and middle grade wine watching the game on their 70 inch tv. It’s repulsive, which is not to say I wouldn’t mind that life. But it’s so simple and they all see some version of this future: ‘the American money making dream’.

I’ve had conversations with people about stocks but most of these guys read their warren buffet textbooks and perform the basic calculations they’ve learned in basic accounting and portfolio analysis and say they have figured out the stock market and talk about it. It isn’t until later that you learn that they basically buy into whatever anyone else is buying into and just follow the pack of white picket fence day traders; who will be the death of the stock market… or so I’m told.

Most of all, I hate the lack of university idealism that they have. It’s too practical and boring, why go to university if you’re not going to vote NDP or the Green Party? That’s half the fun of being an idealistic dipshit going to university and not really experiencing the real world. Because eventually ending aids in Africa and feeding the children of the world will get in the way of your own personal motivation, wants and needs.

I probably hate commerce because I see myself heading into that direction, but at least I’m trying to fight it- for atleast 4 years.

Why’s he in sociology?