I'm a bastard, but she's still a bitch

Okay there is this girl that plagues my life and my overall university experience. I hate her. I hate the way she talks to me as if we are the best of friends that go way back, the way she boasts herself, the way she incessantly talks about herself expecting only catch phrases such as “no way” and “wow” to flow through my parted lips. And even so, I can barely fit in “no w-“ before I’m cut off, because obviously I interrupted her when she was talking about her favorite topic: herself.

Generally I can deal with this.

Generally I can deal with the fact that every time I talk to her she is going somewhere else in a distant unrealistic time period with her many friends only to cut off her own bragging when her cell phone rings- which is when I have to leave.

But I can’t deal with the fact that she thinks she’s a hottie.

Not only does she talk about herself non-stop but she has convinced herself that she is actually attractive. Now here’s the thing, she is not attractive. She’s a cow. A butterface without the body. She is homely. Disgusting. And any other cliched guy phrasing that means that she is ugly. I cannot stress this enough, but the fact is she thinks she’s hot.

She hangs out with some hot girls, and some guy usually ends up taking her home throughout the course of a night. What she doesn’t know is that that the dude that takes her home any night of the week sacrificed himself for the team. THE TEAM!

Here’s how it works.

4 girls are standing at the bar and 4 guys are standing at the other side. One of the guys draws the odd straw and now must seduce mcbitch. reluctantly. Which the rest of his friends are seduced or seduce the other attractive female friends. That is how it works.

But this “take one for the team” mentality is actually detrimental to society.

Reason being is that mcbitch’s self esteem is boosted, and is now thinking that she is a hot interesting person, and as a result actually thinks people are interested in what she has to say… They Aren’t! BUT she thinks they are. And that is the problem…

Now you may ask why must I deal with her? … because I have to really, I’m in a situation that I can’t tell her to straight up fuck off, because I will still have to deal with her.

So I’ve been thinking of ways to deal with this problem, without the words “fuck” and “off”

Some solutions involve putting her picture on hotornot.com

Nice thing about that solution is I wouldn’t even have to sabotage it and vote from all the computers throughout the university. Laissez faire will take care of my dilemma. Problem is not breaking my camera when I take a picture of her, or explaining to her that I’m not taking her picture because I think she’s hot, but it’s more like a social experiment.

Another problem with that is that she may still think she has a great personality, or it may be too late and her self-esteem is irreversibly high. But her Achilles heel if you will is her personality. And if I don’t do something I’m probably going to have to tear my face off… And I have no solution to that situation.

Overall the most effective solution would be dealing with her like Ving Rhames deals with zombies: shotgun blast to the chest.

Getting Older... well kinda.

I had an interesting discovery last weekend- I’m getting older.

Not that it’s really evident, or really noticeable: my jaw hasn’t filled out, my views are saturated with the standard ‘fight the man’ which is typical with all university students (except for commerce students), my hair hasn’t started receding, nor have I been gaining weight. But somehow I am getting older.

Last Friday Jay and I went to “Men in Kilts” playing at Lydias, and we found ourselves sitting at a table filled with petite girls. And I mean young looking girls that were getting pummeled that night, and I honestly mean that they were getting smashed beyond this world with shot after shot. Jay and I were doing the standard commentary of what people were saying to one-another without actually knowing what anyone was saying. I made a comment to jay saying that the five girls sitting at our table were so obviously just 19… which turns out I was wrong I noticed that the one girl in front of us had a huge rock on her left hand, and then slowly realized they all had rocks on the left hand. Then I started talking to the one who I first noticed had a rock, and found out something ridiculous.

THEY WERE 30!

30!

30!

How could I possibly have thought they were 19? I don’t get it. Either I’m absolutely, clinically retarded or I’m slowly getting to the age where 30 year-olds are starting to look about the same age as everyone else I hang out with… This is huge! Earth shattering even!

I don’t know what to say anymore other than jay sucks at the follow through (which I guess is obvious). As he mutually flirted it up with the one decent 30 year-old, engaged, drunk woman. Hilarious.

Society is Degrading

In my recent Political Science and English classes the question regarding the future of society has been raised on numerous occasions. Most people believe that society is degrading faster than [insert cliched allusion to something that would degrade quickly: maybe a Michael Jackson joke for world appeal, or maybe a close to home joke like the Victoria bridge’s speed of deterioration]. Society is degrading, or at least it has degraded us the people.

I hang around socially awkward people. Do I gravitate towards them? Or do socially award people gravitate towards one another? Or do socially awkward people rub off onto other people? Creating a diseased group of socially impotent persons?

I think the answer is that all people are socially awkward.

The question then is why?

Why are people insecure?

It seems like everyone is insecure these days, I could walk up to just about anyone on the street and tell them that I “know” them better than almost any one of their friends.

I would say:

“ you’re an insecure individual, who feels they have more to offer but are never given the opportunity to do so- to offer yourself. You are a cynic because you are afraid of being hurt, because most cynics on this planet are the most sensitive people you will meet and are afraid of opening themselves. You feel like most of your friends don’t nor ever will understand you, and nor do they care because they are too busy with their own problems and dilemmas. You feel alone, and more than likely are not too pleased with your own looks and etc…”

This is painful, but I just described North America.

Why then is North America like this?

Well I’m not going to venture too deep and blame elementary schools, my parents, or Disney, because well… that would be original… (well that, and because most people who read this are socially retarded, unhappy, just plain suck at life, and are currently having problems with the opposite sex, or have no problems with the opposite sex and THAT is the problem or whatever.)


With the help of the last year I’m beginning to honestly believe that maybe cavemen had it right. This whole “courting” thing that has developed in North America is absolutely ludicrous. I don’t get it. Economically and mathematically I could prove that with an increase of technological progress an increase of population growth will occur. Except this has been disproven in relaity as technological progress increases in countries like India families are actually decreasing in size.

Why?

Because when countries become more like North America it becomes fucking impossible for anyone to figure out what the fuck is up with the opposite sex. The degradation of society is caused by women and how we’ve strayed away from our caveman days.

I want to be a fucking patriarch.

That is all.

Dentistry

So in recent news my dentsist has closed up shop, and is prusuing a different profession very related to destistry: Alcoholism... hilarious. i mean it would be hilarious if i didn't have to find a new dentist. i trust a new dentist as much as i trust that my cat would save me from a burning building... which is nill, and i have less faith in jay getting laid than i do in my cat rescuing me from a burning building.

can someone explain to me why dentists in general typically have one of the highest rate of suicidal tendencies out of all other professions? like i don't get it, if a brain surgeon fucks up you become a vegtable or die, if a dentist fucks up they say oh fuck and then give you more laughing gas and life is great.

like it is not a stressful job, and the pay is ridiculously good- so why suicide and alcoholism?

is it because anyone over 20 has seen or atleast knows about "Marathon Man" and how terrible dentists are? Perhaps John Schlesinger is effectively responsible for making it absolutely impossible for denstists to find love or even friends?

it wouldn't be the first time people have been influenced what to think due to a movie for example look at: "E.T." "Sideways" or "Farenheit 9/11" (actually i think i'll write about that topic in a later post)

anyway my point is this, up until today i had no idea why denstist's were all sketchy suicidal alcoholic laughing gas induced junkies, but then i came across a REJECTED "College of Dentistry Application Form":




i find it interesting that the person was not rejected for murdering a person, or wanting to "perform marathon man" torture sequences, but rather the person showed no suicidal or alcoholic tendicies and thus was rejected from the college of dentistry.

if you truly love someone, please don't let them become a dentist.