God Save Horatio Caine!

What would you rather do watch CSI Miami or contract syphilis?




Tough questions, tough questions indeed, in one case you’d prolly have sex, but if you’re reading this site the chances are it’d be a man who told you he was a woman. Once syphilis had been established, you would suffer from years of absolute pain which would lead, inevitably, to your banishment from society...


And in the other case you’d have to endure an hour of cliché ridden 2-dimensional characters spouting nonsense, clumsily communicating with one another in ways seen only in the computer labs of universities… but I suppose CSI Miami should be commended for that aspect, as it is realistic, after all, all these csi types aren’t cops but instead nerds. Epitome of nerds. My uncle is a forensic scientist for the rcmp, he sits in a lab all day and examines paint chips off of boats… all day. He’s lucky if can articulate his own name let alone where he is or the time of day.


So as ridiculous as the plot and characters of CSI may be, when you hear dialogue such as:

Horatio Caine: The killer just made his second mistake.
Yelena Salas: What was his first?
Horatio Caine: Murder.

You know that this is real, this is how alpha nerds communicate to other nerds, if you have never witnessed this type of communication you will need to trust me, and accept that this is how they do it in that culture. For exmaple: In other some cultures the man asks the woman if they’re out of beer, toilet paper, shotgun shells and tv guides by beating their wives. In nerd cultures they communicate with the opposite sex as depicted below.






I would also like to point out that I purposely drew the characters two dimensional as a means of showing the depth of their character as well... god I’m sooo poetic, but not nearly as poetic as some of this dialogue… actually can you even call it dialogue?

Don: Look, Horatio, we're on the same side.
Horatio Caine: I'd like to think so.
Don: Yeah. Well, we are in the middle of the trial. We've already picked the jury, we called our experts, we spent over a million dollars in taxpayers money... Horatio Caine: We have new evidence.
Don: Yeah. Well, that's what appeals are all about. Listen, this is not about the case anymore. Now, it's about winning.
Horatio Caine: Well, you know what then? We're not on the same side.


Like that is brilliant almost as good as that poetry I posted almost a year ago.


Horatio Caine: The only thing that matters is the evidence.


Horatio Caine: When you have everything, sometimes it feels like nothing.