For Ryan

For Ryan

Uninspired as I may be, ryan has been dying for me to write about this for eons. And after picking up my brother and his g-unit friends from a g-unit party last night that was involving the same fighting and breaking up of fights and etc that always happens I figured why not.…

I have a strong undeniable hate for anyone who wears the brand name "G-Unit", and I literally mean there is a clothing line that sells oversized basketball jerseys, sideways hats and oversized jeans.

Fact: the style of pants not covering your ass originated in prison in the 70’s and represented that you were "submissive" meaning that you would become someone’s bitch as long as they protected you… I’m not kidding either.


I hate G-Units, I hate the "culture" because it’s embodies a needlessly common and unoriginal mode of thought, now understand that these people are usually white or native in Saskatoon, and have no identity of their own so they try to embody what they see in mtv and old ice cube movies. When Oliver Stone’s hit movie Scarface was released in 1983 : blacks, latinos, and crackers alike worshipped tony montana. These people stood around with Pacino’s mastered sneer and used the line "say hello to my little friend" until it became cliché and boring, and they paid attention to the open colored red shirts, the white suits, the money and etc. that Montana wore and did, but they all miss two key points:

A) Tony had an incestuous relationship with his sister for… need I say more?

B) And Tony gets blown to shit by an army of Colombian mercenaries, and while yes Tony went down in a blaze of glory he really didn’t have shit to live for; he murdered his only friend in the world, his sister tried killing him (after he tried doing her), and all he had to live for was a bag of coke, a gaudy mansion, and an ar-15 with a grenade launcher… nothing more.

Why would you idolize a person like this? Why not idolize james bond who fights for the good of his country rather than a coked up druglord trying to get with his sister? The answer is I don’t know, and in fact I’ve learned that it’s irrelevant.

I used to think the above was the problem, but it’s not the problem. The problem is that people love to embody the American Dream, and I hate the American Dream. The American Dream for those of you who are in the dark, is embodied in Scott’s "Kingdom of Heaven" which is about a blacksmith peasant who becomes a somebody and saves the day. People love watching life stories of people who have nothing, and then become everything.

But despite me hating the American Dream, that is not why I hate g-units.

The fact is, is that I hate g-units for what they are, or alteast try to be. It’s the simple fact that they try too hard, too self conscious, too concerned with what other people are thinking. My brother’s friends for example act as tough as nails, they act as if they were a bunch of badass kids from the projects… except I babysat them in their middleclass homes and so I know otherwise. There is all the needless time and energy exerted in trying to lean as far back in the car as possible, buying oversized jeans compensated with a belt, trying to act tough, trying to be those rough kids that wreck shit, fight shit and act like a group of mindless clones with no true individual style and thus they put all their time and energy collectively in to being needlessly close-minded and violent. Bitches, ho’s, and bros and all that jazz.

...But really that’s not the point, the point is this: I hate anyone who spends 193 dollars and 29 cents on an oversized g-unit basketball jersey when they could buy a knicks basketball jersey for 91.96.