I've hit the wall

it's nott hat i haven't been trying to write lately, instead the reason is that i feel oddly uninspired, and infact i've got nothing on me.

i've become cliche

not saying that i was ever orginal, but it is becoming moreso apparent in my old age. i'm getting to the point where i am so bitter and jaded that i don't even expect anything from life... it's not that i'm depressed or sad it's just i'm so utterly indifferent to anything tat all at this point, and i have merely accepted that people are morons and no amount of bitching will ever change that.

i went to yet another terrible party last night, it was cockfest 2005 and no one was dressed up for halloween, i knew this would be the case and expected nothing from this alleged party i embarked upon. but i mean obviously it was going to be shitty i didn't even have alcohol until i got home, and i made a cosmopolitan out of freshly made cranberry juice, and i tried writing about this or my last few days, but nothing happened...

another thought as to why i've been indifferent as i've been drinkign much more frequently, and alcohol makes me do many things like become much more indifferent to the company that is around me, and thus i'm at an even greater level of indifferency than normal, and thus even less inspired to write.

painters and even writers often say that their misery is the sorce of their artistic talent, and if they did not have their misery their artwork would simutaneously suffer witht he lack of misery. but what happens when they get to the point where they don't even care they don't even have a passion for death or life, hate or love, they just don't care? is that when vangough goes on a huge absinth drinking binge and cuts off his ear? quite possibly.

i tried many times writing about how it's funny that all my best friends hated me or i hated the at one point in time, joel you're no exception as i found out wednesday whichw as hilarious. but while wiriting it i counted the word hated or some variation of hate 87 times in 400 words, that's rediculous. so i scrapped it.

i need a kick in the head, or something...