Almost as bad as a Molestation Charge

So perhaps one of the most detrimental labels that a guy can get from a girl is none other than the infamous “creepy”. Getting creepy slapped to your forehead is the equivalent to Michael Jackson’s molestation charges, or Paul Ruebens public nudity incident... both sent either person’s career down in flames. If a guy gets creepy labeled to him he can shoot his penis for all the good that thing will do him unless he moves far away.

There’s this guy my friend Jade knows, in fact it’s her third cousin who also happens to be her roommate, and he’s been labeled with the notorious “creepy”. Creepy as hell. Even say the word creepy out loud and you get shivers down your back, when I think creepy I think of a crack head, or Dakota Fanning.

-anyway

Back to the point this guy who has received the creepy label has the “hots” for this one girl named kate, he drunkenly admitted this one night at the overdrive, and proceeded to turn to jade’s other friend Haley and said “Don’t worry I like you a lot too, but I’ve really got this thing for kate. if things don't turn out between me and kate i'd go for you.” Which is funny that he would think Haley could be somehow be offended by him liking kate, because Haley has gone out of her way to make it known she doesn’t like him as a person let alone as a hookup.

This was also the same night that I was successfully getting hit on by the same girl he really liked.

The funny thing is- he seemed to genuinely like me, which I found hilarious, because any guy, that has anything to do with a girl that I’m interested in (eg: what I was doing that night, or a girl’s boyfriend or etc..) is met with overall hostility from myself. It doesn’t matter how nice of a guy he is, if it’s a guy dating some girl I’m interested in he’s automatically an asshole. It could be fucking jesus and I’d still be like:

“yeah that jesus guy is a fucking asshole I have no idea what Mary sees in that fucker, and I mean what’d he ever do for anyone? Build a chair? Die on a cross? Fucking asshole, I hate that guy.”

Anyway

Then after we left the bar he drove Haley, Jade and Kate home he drove to the other side of town first dropped off Haley and Jade and threw Jade the keys to their house and took off so he could try picking up Kate. Which as it turns out didn’t pan out well for our 5’3 hero, because our 5’9 heroine shot him down in flames.

The following night Jade was meeting her cousins at the Hose, immediately as they were leaving to meet Jade’s cousins our protagonist asked “which side of the family are these cousins?” which Jade responded with “your side”… and yet while drunk enough did unsuccessfully hit on his own cousin. Which creeped out Jade.

Now what’s funny is that whenever she refers to her roommate and cousin she always gives him the ever so descriptive adjective “creepy” _______” which will completely kill his chances with any girl jade has ever come into contact or her friend’s friends and etc… it spreads like the bloody ebola virus..

He also brags about dealing coke, driving home drunk and etc…

and that’s my story of the day.

Drunk... Again

My best friend in Kanaskis was Brian... my boss. which is hilarious in many ways that i cannot explain, but i have nothing but utter respect for him as much as i slash at his dreams from under his feet.

Brian is 37+ ? yearold man with his degree in neuro-pyschology, but works as a food and beverage manager at a golf course. interestingly enough reminds me of myself and me vice versa in so many ways it is actually sad. sad in the respect that i will become him one day, and i am what he once was. another interesting tidbit for a person who defined hermit and loner in the first 3 months of my stay in kanaskis, would make it through his day by watching cnn... that's what he looked forward to after 12 hours of work, nothing more. which i find hilarious for an intellginet and logical person, i find this funny because cnn is hardly something anyone of intellegence would watch, unless witht he purpose of ritting their brain with something other than liqour. maybe he changed it up once and a while to give his liver a break... i may never know.

I always find it interesting when you can connect with such a person that you can say anything and not be judged... even if you are being profiled at the same time it's not the same as being judged. which, for example my last "fling" before i left for the summer never would have worked out, i never really acknowledged why it wouldn't have worked- but i did as of recent. i was constantly judged or evaluated in such a way i never would have felt comfortable explaining that the night before i got drunk and stoned and figured out the meaning of life but realized when i figured out the meaning of life i would forget the answer the following morning... which i did. but i would have got the squinty eyed "wtf are you talking about?" look from her...

Another thing i thought i might mention is i often find it easier talking to people twice my age than people my own age for two reasons:

1) they are more polite, and atleast have mastered how to pretend how to be interested in what you are talking about.

2) they are more comfortable with themselves and are usually not trying to potray themselves in a limiting light or image. because they don't give a fuck, if they don't go home to a bottle they go home to a wife and kids that they spend all their time with anyway and so they relaize they don't give a hsit what anyone else thinks. where as young people such as myself are constantly seeking validation for everything that we do.


anyway the reason i bring this all up is i just watched hitchhikers guide to the galaxy but more importantly i watched A Love Song for Bobby Long starring John Travolta & Scarlett Johansson.



It was in part about a professor befriending a student of his(who was also his best friend), and in another part understanding the meaning of life.... actually both movies focused on the meaning of life. but Bobby Long focused on the legacy and aftermath of life. much like 5 people you'll meeet in heaven you understand that everyone has an effect on your life and your existence has killed, saved and made life worth living for countless people just by existing... and nothing more.



I find it interesting


P.S. these posts have been sucking lately for 3 reasons

Fuck the World

As a general rule I usually try to stray away from iterating my actual feelings, or depressing mood swings, as I find it cliché and in most ways boring. Oh woe is me and etc.. and this is a rule I usually follow when it comes to updating this website… today is an exception, and in many ways warranted, and for many other reasons not warranted at all. But fuck it anyway.

Fact:

God is in fact smiting me. It is now confirmed.

The only problem is that god is a pussy and toys with me and all other pathetic beings on earth, teasing them before making the final blow. If god were to be personified he’d be a redheaded 10 year-old with scissors and magnifying glass: able enough to cut the legs off the insect and scold it’s skin with a magnifying glass, but incapable of finishing the fucking job; leaving a bitter, decrepit, insignificant insect to carry on with its meaningless existence.

Fuck you redheaded god, fuck you very much.

And life, is in fact meaningless, and at any time you think you have changed as an individual, and have grown into a better, more assertive and happier person than you ever were before, you are hit with that reminder that you are in fact nothing more than an insect waiting for certain death.

What happens in after death? As much as I would love to believe in heaven where I spend eternity playing cards and reading Mark Twain, I doubt it. I presume darkness. Or perhaps nothing at all- not even darkness.

The other day in the library I observed a ladybug crawl up along the wall, and when it reached the roof it continued on scaling the ceiling of the 6th floor of the library. Now my thought was this:

“Why? Why is the ladybug crawling up the wall? Why is it scaling the roof? What is its overall objective? There is no food up there, there are no other ladybugs, there is no exit, and in fact there is nothing up there, in fact it was a wasted 15 minutes.

Then I thought: Is this insect even aware of what it’s doing? Is it aware that it is a lost cause? Probably not. But the bug still drones on knowing that: this is what needs to be done, I need to be doing something moving, struggling, exploring, pushing the limits, but then it dies, and we realize that this bug never really accomplished anything at all, and god just didn’t have the heart to break it down to the insignificant fool.

I think the same thing when I watch people on the streets, or in the halls of university, I often wonder: are they aware that what they are doing has no end? (or what I really mean no purpose, because obviously death is the end) 120 years from now if we haven’t been all blown away or learned that there is no meaning to life and thus to not even bother, the same people will be walking the same halls and avenues still not aware that there is no point.

People who think there is a meaning to life either haven’t thought about it closely, or are incapable of looking at a problem objectively.

We’ve found a way to change men to women, to end millions of lives in an instant even billions, and yet with all this knowledge the reason for which why I go to school, pursue the opposite sex, buy cars, read newspapers, books, and watch movies remains elusive.
And in fact it isn’t elusive it is really quite simple; so simple in fact that it is economic, if the reason I do the listed above can be broken down into a simple economic equation there is obviously a fucking problem.


But I guess, it doesn’t fucking matter. A few days from now I’ll go back to normal, pursuing the same fucking things that burn me, and I’ll continue to believe that life as we know it- sucks.

Now I say all this and am yet, going to dinner with two beautiful, intelligent girls in a couple of hours… and yet could not be more miserable. Heh.

Well I guess I’ll hit the bottle and put my fucking game face on.

My Favorite Drink September 21/05

Some people list a different band each week well i'm going to list my favorite drink of the week... or month depends when i get bored with it.

Shaken Margarita:

1.5 ounce of Gold tequila

1 ounce of Triple Sec, or Blue Curacao if you want it blue

3 limes squeezed into a martini Shaker

2 ounce of lime cordial

1 ounce of water

ice

Shake

Strain into a tall glass rimmed with sea salt... if you put a shaken margarita into a slushy margarita cup i'll gouge out your eyes.

Fact: Tequila must be made from a minimum of 51% blue agave, and gold tequila is usually aged 1-3 years, where white tequila is not aged at all and is not rearly as smooth as gold.

Tequila does not have a worm in it, if it does it is a another type of Mezcal, and rarely as high of quality as actual tequila.

Well... It's true

Ever watch TV lately?

If it is not the new survivor it is all the new CSI, Law and Order, or other investigative murder shows polluting the three channels most people get. There are so many of these investigative dramas that they are trying to change it up by using ghosts and psychics to solve murders instead of expensive and stylish CSI equipment. Now ignoring the fact of how ridiculous some of these shows are, there are some instances of relatively accurate information as to what real law enforcement officials use to gather evidence for murders. Now the question I have is this: do these shows increase the number of unsolvable murders?

Like if I were to commit a murder I would definitely be all over jotting down notes of what to and not to do in committing an act of first degree murder.

They should just cut the bullshit in these shows and give people what they really want:

Next on Channel four how to kill somebody without getting caught, and then at 8:00 how to build a bomb in 4 simple steps.

... well it's true, it's not like people actually watch CSI because of the paperthin characters and ridiculous plots... but then again what else can you expect from Jerry Bruckheimer?

Masturbation or Priesthood, decisions

so... last post i made i was so hammered that i actually passed out directly after writing that... on the keyboard... i'm surprised it is somewhat coherent, well that's assuming any of these posts are "truly" coherent. Anyway i thought i might build upon a topic sean brought forward.

which is masturbation.

and when i say masturbation what i really mean is the plutonic guy and girl friendships that want to move "forward".

and the solution to this situation is simple:

choose masturbation

and you'll have chosen wisely

guys who take the friend approach to dating a girl will always get fucked over, because:

A) You've established a friendship that you don't want to ruin
B) you no longer give a sexual vibe, or atleast at the minimum, a sensual vibe. instead you give the "hi i'm sharon's gay friend" vibe.
C) You're a guy and thus so being a guy you almost 95% of the time have to make the first move, because in a society "fighting for equal rights" it still usually falls on the guy who must be assertive and take control of the situation.
D) you've fallen into the situation where you rationalize with yourself "if i don't go for it i'll hate myself" or "if i do it and things become awkward i'll definitely hate myself", and thus you're fucked. so just make it easy on yourselfmy friends and become a priest or atleast don't take the friend approach, motherfuckers.

or if you are anything like me, who makes a better first impression than lasting you will rely on the second a approach

"hey bitch you and me's are meant's to be fucking"

that approach generally works out better for me, because the reason you two are talking is already established: you both are interested in eachother, and there's none of that other bullshit.

... actually this is almost a completely a "win win" situation until she gets to know the real person that is you... or vice versa and one or both of you realize that neither one could pretend to be friends or spend 5 minutes with the person, because both of your personalities clash so bad. and thus you lose... so let's see what our other option is besides masturbation, ah yes priesthood.

advantages to Priesthood

-"Guarnteed" to go to heaven
-doesn't matter how often you fuck up you can always repent... which is nice
-if you are white you have an increased possibility of becoming the pope... main advantage of becoming the pope is that you get to ride around in the famed pope-mobile.
-being a hypocrit comes with the territory... same goes for scandals and politics... or i mean vice versa
-i'm pretty sure if you can still follow through with masturbation even as a priest, no one has to know.... and besides you can always repent.

but most importantly no women and no pre-dating bullshit... which is the main reason people a life of celebacy.

the end

As Sympathetic as you will get from me

I'm back from Keeley's birthday party, and as much as i bitch about friends from highscool i realized something tonight. i will never have a bond like i do to the friends from highschool. as many friends from university as i have, it will never be the kind of bond that i get from my friends from highschool. Even if i don't have anything in common with my age old friends from hs, it will be the same fact that keeps us close... even if they like men, or doing their mom's on their weekends off i
'll still accept them. like i missed seeign jerr tonight as much as i hate that bastard, and i missed sean, and even joel who i should be used to never seeing along with jay. realalistically speaking i shouldn't bitch as much as i do when i see peoplle from highschool, but the fact of the matter is i usually don't care what chandra marshand is up to, or who is marrying who other than to laugh hysterically at them and their simple lives. but that is just me, and when i'm one of the names up for marriage next year; feel free to egg my house and laugh at me hysterically... as i'm a hypocrit. but i doubt that'll be me, as i don't see the point to marriage. i'll just divorce the bitch soon enough anyway... no picket fence for this cat thank you.

Bad Driving Part 3

Driving in Kanaskis was bad news, in fact it reminded me a lot of home, which is probably why I was never homesick, or sober for that matter. Anyway, the driving was ridiculously bad for many reasons:

A) Everyone was a bloody tourist
B) Everyone was a bloody tourist with no clue as to what was going on in the world
C)There were American and Oriental drivers who have never seen a fucking deer in their simple and pathetic lives and thus felt the need to stop in the middle of a 100 km/h twisty, mountainy highway to snap photo’s of god’s ugliest creature. I don’t mean to stereotype, but when I was working the bar Americans would be stunned that they saw a fucking squirrel. It’s a squirrel… its basically the same as a fucking mouse and people freak when they see those, but oh not a squirrel… Squirrel’s are "different".


--- Which brings me to another point, why is it that some people will scream bloody murder when they see a daddy long legs spider 10 feet away from them, and then the same person will drop everything they are doing and chase after a black bear for a closer look?… it’s beyond me.
Anyway back to driving, so to make my point of how terrible the drivers are in K-country I’ll show you an illustration.



My point
Now the worst experience was when I was driving back from Canmore on the highway number 1 with a girl I hated, she was perhaps the most annoying person I’ve known in a very long time. In fact, she had no truly redeeming features about her, for instance she pretended to be deep and misunderstood, but the fact of the matter was that she was as deep as a paper plate. She also had no car, which meant I got suckered into driving her everywhere, which I hated.

Anyway to the story:
I was driving back from Canmore to K-Country while it was absolutely pouring/lightning/thundering and etc… on me and my fat passenger. However I had to work at 5:00 and thus so need to get home on the asap. So while cruising at 120 there was a semi driving at a constant 100Km/h and was sloshing so much water into my windshield I could barely see, anyway I switch into the left lane to pass and this semi, however the car infront of me was driving at 101Km/h passing gradually passing this semi in no particular hurry, so as a result I’m completely blind the car infront of me is ensuring that I’ll be driving blind for at least another 5 minutes and just being a general douche driving without his lights on and etc.. . so when I finally pass him I honk my horn and give him the finger.

And then I realized something-






I had a fatty in my car.



I lost all my creditability, the whole middle finger and honking of the horn act was for nothing, as this guy was probably thinking "oh that guy must be pissed cause he’s got a fatty in his car hahahah!… dumb bastard."



And thus I learned a valuable lesson: being a shitty driver sucks, but if the passenger in your car is ugly it doesn’t matter how competent of a driver you are, you are still just some douche with a fatty in his car.

Toilet dudes at the bar

alright wtf? so whenever i've gone to the bar such as the overdrive or the scuz there is always the same african dudes working the bathrooms for tips. now lets try to understand the rational behind this: these guys hand out soap and expect to be tipped? fuck that foo! these guys don't even have boobs, dream on my friends dream on...

These guys in fact make me not want to go to the washroom at all, and instead the thought of me choosing to piss on the shitty dj's at the bar all the more appealing. however if i did follow through with this thought at the overdrive i'd prolly get stabbed and my body left in a ditch somewhere. And i am all the more likely to get stabbed just because these dudes piss off dudes with knives because no one likes having other dudes watch them pee, which is what these guys do, watch people pee and hand them soap... and they get tipped because of it... garbage. And in fact this is where i make my point: having these dudes in fact watchign other dudes pee increases the number of stabbings at overdrive.


finally my thought of the day is this: people who pop the top off beer are always tipped whereas people who spend 15 minutes making you a cafe latte rarely see a quarter in their tip jar... and that my friends is garbage.

Fuck, Shit, Piss

well i'm back mother biatches...

and i've come to the conclusion that deer are much like myself... evidently: suicidal in saskatchewan.

The main difference between deer in K country where there is a deer int he ditch every 20 feet, and saskatchewan is that you will rarely see a deer, and if you do see a deer, you know for damn sure it will be bolting out infront of your car trying desperately to end it's poor miserable and pathetic life... and this is my exact mentality, perhaps i'm merely bitter that when i got home i found my fucking brother sleeping in my bed and had to spend the night on the couch. If i wanted to sleep on a bed the size of my couch i woulda saved myself the 8 hour drive.

anyway

for those that are wondering my summer consisted of booze, mountain climbing, booze, bartending, women... but mainly booze, eating out... but mainly boozing, and bear fighting... while boozing.

anyway if someone has a car that i can quickly dash out infront of, i'd be quit obliged.

p.s. this is just the beginning i have a whole summerworth of shit to bitch about.

sincerely,

suicidal in saskatchewan

p.s p.s. i really don't wanna go back to school either.