Get's Me Every Time

This time of year has traditionally always held a quite the kowaaski death grip on my self confidence. I'm morose over my mediocrity, and as an individual i'm trying to decide if i will ever excell at anything other than barely passing every test (socially and academically) that has come my way.

I gave my essay to my neighbour who is an English prof, and i felt like i was in the third grade trying to write at a 3rd year university level. It wasn't the ideas, it was the grammar and punctuation-the stuff i wanted him to check, because i did recognize the problems just not how to rectify them. I suppose i won't be making half of the torn apart mistakes ever again-which is good, but it was at the expense of my dignity -which is something i'm desperately trying to minimize.

I'm a subpar economist, a mediocre writer and subpar at everything else. The only thing i've shown any aptitutude for is drawing abstract conclusions from two seemingly independent events... When exactly am i supposed to become intelligent?